Marni does NOT regret her abortion

This is a message we received via Facebook today from a woman named Marni. She wants to share her abortion story. Contrary to what the anti abortion side shouts every woman does not regret their abortion. 1 in 3 women are not the walking wounded. This is what Marni sent us unedited –

“I think the work the escorts do at JWHO is amazing, and following your blog has compelled me to share my own abortion story.

  • Thank you for all the amazing work you do. I don’t live in Mississippi, but if I did I would be a very enthusiastic volunteer escort at JWHO. Keep up it up!

    Marni Switzer (my story is below).

    To the protestors everything is black and white. Either you have the baby, or you don’t. That simple.

    Unfortunately nothing, absolutely nothing in life is black and white.

    This is my story; the story of a healthy 32-year-old woman who decided to terminate her pregnancy.

    You may ask why as a woman in her thirties I chose not to go ahead with the pregnancy and keep the baby, and that is a valid question. There were no health issues with regards to my pregnancy; the fetus probably would have grown into a healthy child, and there were no risks with regards to my own health. There was no trauma associated with the pregnancy; the sex was consensual and with a man I had been dating for some time and cared a great deal for.

    For those who are pro-life, there are no excuses for me having an abortion. But they are only looking at me from the outside, as a vessel for a fetus, and not as a person with my own doubts, fears and feelings of any kind. I am sure that in their imaginations, the baby would have been born into a loving family, cared for and given every opportunity, loved and cherished, and lived a wonderful life. That is all they see. They do not consider the fact that I simply could not afford to raise a child. I have a hard enough time making ends meet and supporting myself – feeding myself, paying rent, putting clothes on my back. I have worked hard to maintain a life that I want for myself, to work a job that doesn’t pay much but is fulfilling to me in ways that money could never compare to. I love my work as a writer, but financially there is no way I would be able to support a child through the first year of life, let alone all the years that follow. I would not have been able to buy diapers for my child, or formula, and if I did it would be at the sacrifice of keeping myself fed and healthy. I would literally have been giving up my own life for that of the child. In the protestors eyes it appears that life of the child is of more value than the life of the person who conceived it. Would they have been there to help me support the child? Would they have been there to look after the child so I could continue to work so I could support both myself and the baby? Would they have raised the funds needed for doctors appointments during my pregnancy and to help pay the hospital bill after I had given birth? Above all this, I would not have been there to see my child grow, because in order to give it any kind of life, I would probably have needed to work more than one job to support not only myself but another person as well. I would never know my child as it would never know me, because in order for it to live I would have to live to work, not work to live.

    I am sure in the protestors heads that every child is born into a happy family. That the father would have played a significant role in the baby’s life I do not know. The relationship was too new, too fresh to contemplate having children. We hadn’t even spoken words of love to each other yet, and hadn’t spoken of our future, whether we would still be together in a week, a month, a year. Having a baby is life-altering, and I was not emotionally ready to make those changes, and nor was I willing to force those changes on another person as well.

    For those against abortion, they would probably claim that it is my own fault that I got pregnant, and that I should have expected to get pregnant after having a night of fun, “unprotected sex”. Would they actually be willing to listen to my situation? Birth control is effective, as are condoms, but nothing comes with a 100% guarantee, and accidents do happen. When our accident occurred, I did not just leave it up to chance, cross my fingers behind my back and hope for the best. The morning after I went to the closest pharmacy and got emergency contraceptive. I took every precaution I possibly could have while still remaining sexually active, and I still got pregnant. Somehow in the intervening hours between sex and emergency contraception, my egg was fertilized. It is not because I am a slut, or because I chose to be stupid. Let me repeat: nothing in life is guaranteed.

    The final argument the pro-lifers would probably make is that I could have carried the pregnancy to term and given the baby up for adoption. I don’t know if a single anti-abortion protestor has ever spoken to someone who has given up a child for adoption. We always hear the stories of how women who have had abortions end up traumatized by their decision and regret it for the rest of their lives. Convenient fodder to use against those of us who have made the decision to terminate our pregnancies. Do they understand how hard it is for someone to give up a child? The grief after placing a child for adoption can be all-encompassing and can lead to feelings of guilt, loss and shame. Sound similar? These are the same feelings that some women can feel post-abortion. The grief is the same, as is the loss. I knew I could not have this baby so I chose an abortion.

    I have no regrets about my decision, nor to I feel any guilt or shame over it. I knew it was the right decision for me, and after all, as it was my life that was about to change, isn’t it right that I made the best decision for me?”

    We thank Marni for sharing her story and for her bravery in standing up to abortion stigma and shaming!


21 thoughts on “Marni does NOT regret her abortion

  1. Dear Marni-I myself was in your situation! I was 25,found myself pregnant,recently divorced,in extreme poverty & was a single mom of a very active 2 year old boy! I was working 2 full-time jobs,tying to make ends meet & considering living in my car! I was a regular at the “soup kitchens” & even called many women’s shelter’s to see if there could be room for me & my son because I could no longer afford to feed both of us nor live in my apartment. I was a smart girl,but made some decisions that weren’t too smart. When I was 1 month pregnant,I learned I was pregnant(this was in 1998). My sister & the baby’s dad Strongly suggested that I should abort,no-one would even know. I gave this deep thought & consideration. I realized that I would know & so would God! I went calling as many places as I could (after crying for 3 days straight & hard) to see how I could get help,be it through abortion,adoption,housing,etc. I went to work in a daze. I took care of my child in a daze. My sister was the most caring person I knew (I also knew she would keep this secret for me) & she had my best interests in mind! She even volunteered to hold my hand when I went to the abortion clinic! I made the appointment! In the meantime,I did LOTS of reading,only to discover that a baby’s hear starts beating @ only 25 days gestation. I did more soul-searching. I didn’t know that even before I knew I was pregnant,that the heart was already beating! I knew in my own heart,that I COULD NOT stop a beating heart! I went to a place to get counseling,I was afraid no matter what I decided that I would go through a difficult time,even if it was just my hormones talking. I had extreme postpartum depression w/ my son & sure didn’t want to go through that again! I meet a wonderful woman named Shelley,she was my mom’s age. She said she had been longing for a child for many years,even had home studies done,were approved,but her & her hubby were turned down because of their older age. She was like a surrogate mom to me-she cared about ME! I agreed to help them “build a family” ! Her & her hubby came with me to my ultrasound when I was 5 months pregnant,only to discover I was pregnant with twins! They were ecstatic,I was not as thrilled! It ended up being a very difficult pregnancy for me,lots of health concerns through out. They were there for me every step of the way! My family shunned me & said “I made my own bed,I have to sleep in it” & could I be doing this AGAIN & putting my son through this? My twins were born 9/22/98 (they will be 15 in a few days) and I would not have changed a thing! I am SO GLAD I did not abort & made a new family where there once was none! A boy & a girl named Lauren & Chandler! P.s. I also “lost” a child later on @ age 3 1/2 to adoption due to my illness (born 5 years after the twins),so I have seen ALL sides to the coin! Thank you for your story-Here is mine. A pic of my beautiful kids(so proud of them!)My twins,so GLAD I chose life! With their adoptive parents

  2. Dear trolls, don’t you think if Marni wanted to read your anti abortion rhetoric she would go to the sites where you reside. I believe she made it clear that this was her choice and she is fine with it. The admins don’t feel compelled to approve your hateful comments. Please refer to the rules.

    • I know you you were not referring to me,as I am lovingly only sharing my own story too & thanking her for sharing hers! I am not like the “others” -I do not condemn,or preach,just show *My* story & side as did she,thank you -Marnie,very well written! ❤

      • Of course I was and others too because this isn’t the first time you have trolled this page including trolling the post written about Kayla. You had plenty of judgey and preachy things to say that haven’t and will never be approved. Have a nice day 🙂

      • I ,In fact applaud Marnie for her candor & courage! I tried to have some of that myself! Thank you again Marnie-we women need to stick together NO matter what our stories are! A brave woman indeed,don’t know if I could be as forthcoming as you!

      • Oh and you don’t have a *side* on our page because this is OUR page not YOUR page. Go read the “About Us” section. It doesn’t say anything about you. No where in it does it say we have a mission to promote pro liar propaganda.
        I am glad adoption worked out for you. Guess what women who want abortions want ABORTIONS not to be pregnant for 9 months and relinquish their child. If that is what they wanted to do they would have done it.
        Bless your heart

    • Please help me understand why you say I am a troll,it is not my intentention. My heart goes out to these young people as I was once in thier sitiation. I did not make the same decesion,does that make me a bad person? I am happy to see my kids go on to have a good life,I am bad yet again? Please help me understand? I was also raped as a young teen,facing the same thing! I have young daughter & sons that may be facing this soon,should I not edudaacte them & see the other side(ie:not just mine) as well ? Thank you for your consersiration. I enjoy reading your posts,though may not agree with everything I read-Isn’t that what America is all about? Thank you

      • No one cares that you don’t agree its that you feel the need to tell them how tragic their choice is (like you did on Kayla’s post) that is unseemly. I happen to think adoption is a valid and wonderful choice even though I know many, many adoption horror stories. I wouldn’t go to a site where you shared you story and feel like I need to share one of the adoption horror stories I know of. Why? Because I respect your choice and I trust that your story as you tell it is your truth. That is all I need to know.

  3. My “adoption” stories-especially the one regarding my 3 1/2 year old is not pretty! I understand where you are coming from! It is not always roses & always their will be grieving-no matter what! I am in my mid-life-not a “youngster” anymore”,these facts are very clear to me. I was just trying to tell Marnie &others (in my faulty way) that they were BRAVE young women,going beyond what I could never dream of!

      • I’m sorry,not what I meant,my life has not always been pretty ,my kids are now in there teens my 17 year old son is pretty reckless(the one I mentioned earlier).His mom hasn’t been in his life a whole lot recenly(me),he lives with his dad,he only dreams of being a musician & nor thinks his g/f might be pregnant! I am so scared! I am not even 40 yet! Maybe my fear comes ot in my posts -sorry!

  4. I think the important thing to recognize is that we are able to make the choices that are best for us, whether it be an abortion, adoption or keeping the baby, without fear of retribution. That is the definition of freedom, is it not?

  5. @thelastabortionclinic: I have a question. When young women come into your facility for an abortion, do you educate them of the process they are about to have or do you just have them fill out forms and then go into the back to proceed? To me, education is important. There can be physical and emotional ramifications. I am only asking this, because I wish someone had sat me down and talked to me first. That was 20 years ago and I have since regretted my actions. If I had only known. Please tell me you talk with your patients first.

    • First of all this isn’t “our facility” we volunteer on the outside. I can speak to the process because I went through it with my daughter.
      All women are required by state law to get a packet of state mandated information. Beyond that yes all patients receive verbal pre procedure counseling that includes a quite graphic description of the procedure and where you are reminded you have the option to parent or chose adoption. You can also ask questions. You also meet one on one with doctor who also asks if this is what YOU want to do. Then there is a state mandated 24 hour waiting period.
      I am sorry you regret you decision. I find as a grown woman there are many things in life we wish had done differently or better.
      I am sorry if people have told you are a bad person for having an abortion. You are not. Many women choose to have abortions for many reasons they are still good people.
      I do have a question though what do you wish they had told you before your procedure?

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